


Promise

by healing



Category: Tales of Xillia
Genre: M/M, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-27
Updated: 2013-08-27
Packaged: 2017-12-24 20:16:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/944181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/healing/pseuds/healing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You don't know," Alvin begins, voice trembling, "how <i>damn</i> long I've wanted to do this."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Promise

**Author's Note:**

  * For [diarahan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/diarahan/gifts).



> A sequel to [New Beginnings](http://archiveofourown.org/works/938054), because I couldn't just leave it alone. Remember that UST? Well.
> 
> Still not compliant with TOX2. I am 99% sure that nothing I write is.

When Alvin had written _see you soon_ , he'd meant it. It's just a few weeks before he's in Fennmont — on a weekend, so Jude doesn't have classes to keep him occupied. Alvin lays around in his dorm room and talks about his business, and Jude talks about his lessons, and everything is fine. Everything is just fine. There's no more tension between them — Jude had forgotten all about it, put it behind him as soon as Alvin had left.

Except he hadn't. No matter how hard he'd tried, he _couldn't_ , and having Alvin back is so unnerving his stomach has been in knots ever since Alvin had thrown an arm around him. Things aren't supposed to be this way. He isn't supposed to feel this way — and the worst part is that Alvin seems totally unaffected by it all. He doesn't even seem to _remember_ what had happened, the way he'd shoved Jude up against the wall and — and just left him there. It's almost enough to make Jude angry, but not at Alvin, not really. The anger is more directed toward himself. He's the one who's worked up about it, after all. It isn't Alvin's fault.

On the first day of his visit, the two of them spend some time taking a walk around Fennmont, Alvin repeatedly pointing out how different it is from Xian Du — as if Jude didn't know that already, as if their journey together was already a memory of the distant past, as if Alvin hadn't already seen it before. But Jude lets him do most of the talking, semi-content to just listen and let Alvin distract him. This is fine. Everything is just fine.

They're only out for a few hours before it starts to rain. Jude doesn't mind a light drizzle, but Alvin has always made a huge deal out of getting drenched in his favorite coat, so they head back to Jude's little dorm room, and suddenly, the second the door is closed behind them the silence that settles over the room is almost deafening. Alvin had usually been the one to fill it, but just like that, he's silent, sitting at the edge of Jude's bed and staring up at the ceiling, his eyes somewhere far, far away. It's so unnerving, Jude is finally the one to break it.

"Alvin," Jude starts, ignoring the anxiety welling up in his chest. He needs to ask, and it's just Alvin, right? What is he so worked up about, anyway? "What did you come here for, really? You wouldn't travel all the way here to Fennmont just to pretend that you missed the sightseeing and the friendly company. So what is it?"

Alvin doesn't reply.

"Alvin," Jude repeats, annoyed this time, moving to stand over him. The tension is getting even thicker, and Jude has to fight the urge to give up and tell him to just go back to Xian Du, give up and pretend that there's nothing strange going on at all. Alvin can keep writing him letters, and Jude can keep replying, and things can go back to normal. Sounds like a good plan.

But Jude isn't that type of person. Jude isn't a person who just gives up. When he wants answers, he seeks them out, and he doesn't give in until he's got them. And more than anything, Jude wants answers.

"Stop pretending like nothing is —"

But before he can finish his sentence, he's pinned down to the bed and Alvin is hovering over him, shaky hands grasping his wrists so hard it's painful, a knee settling between his legs. Jude's eyes are wide, pupils blown, elbows digging into the mattress, but he doesn't say anything. Not yet.

"You don't know," Alvin begins, voice trembling, "how _damn_ long I've wanted to do this. You're just totally oblivious to the effect you have on people, aren't you? On _me._ You have no idea how hard it's been, to pretend that — that I don't want to..."

"Don't want to what?" Jude asks, his voice very, very small. The thing is, he knows. Maybe he wasn't so sure before, but this time, he thinks he knows.

And then Alvin is surging forward and crushing their lips together, giving Jude's wrists a rough squeeze and shifting, tilting his head to get a better angle. Jude makes a sound that is a little surprised and a lot relieved. He's never been kissed before, doesn't know exactly how this is supposed to work, doesn't know what he's supposed to do in response, but Jude's total lack of experience seems to be the last thing on Alvin's mind.

When Alvin finally pulls back, he almost seems scared, but he looks just as desperate, and Jude doesn't think he's ever seen him like this before. It's safe to say that he's seen Alvin at his absolute worst, but he's never seen Alvin quite like this. This is something different.

It doesn't scare Jude, though. Jude isn't scared of him. He never has been.

"I'll stop. I'll stop, and we can pretend that this never happened. It'll never be mentioned again, forgotten about. We can keep on living separate lives. I don't — I finally found the place I belong. I don't want to screw it up. Not again. I _can't._ "

"Don't," Jude says, effectively cutting off Alvin's train of thought, and then he's wrapping his arms tight around Alvin's neck and pulling him back in, closing his eyes before kissing _him,_ softer and slower. But Alvin groans his name — _damn it, Jude_ — and suddenly Alvin is the one back in control and it's just as hurried as before, Jude parting his lips and Alvin immediately taking full advantage, the knee between Jude's legs applying pressure as his lips move over his.

So it wasn't just him, Jude thinks. It wasn't just his imagination. Alvin has been wanting this just as much as he has. Maybe _more._ It's still hard to believe, but it's real. This is really happening.

It's difficult to speak in between open-mouthed kisses, but Jude somehow manages, voice breathless. "Do you really think I could just forget about something like this? I was always thinking about it. I just didn't — you're eleven years older than me and I didn't know what it was and I thought I was just being stupid, just a stupid kid. I tried so hard to pretend it wasn't there, that it was all in my head. That you were just kidding around."

"Tried to pretend I was. You know what they say — the best way to hide something is to hide it in plain sight, right?" Alvin mutters, moving down to kiss his neck, and Jude is rutting up against him, tossing his head back and making soft noises in the back of his his throat.

"Do you know how much effort it took to keep myself from storming right back into that room and grabbing you by the shoulders? Do you know how _frustrated_ I was? But I didn't. I couldn't. I couldn't risk ruining this. I couldn't ruin everything you've already given me."

"You'd never ruin it. You could _never_ ruin it, because you've given me just as much, Alvin. Maybe you don't believe me, but trust me. Just trust me, okay?"

"I've been thinking about this since the first time I looked at you," Alvin whispers, nipping at his earlobe and releasing Jude's wrists to slide a hand up his shirt, calloused hands brushing against the soft skin of his stomach. "Wanted to check into the nearest inn and fuck you into the damn mattress. I figured it'd pass, but before I knew it I was getting off to the thought of this right here. I was whispering your name when I came. I thought I'd get over it. Milla is pretty damn easy on the eyes, but it was you I was thinking about. Always you."

What Alvin doesn't add is that sometimes, the way Jude looked at Milla made him sick. Jude can't know just how far gone Alvin was. Just how far gone he _is._ This is enough. This is more than enough.

Alvin's hand slides lower, fingers dipping below the waistband of Jude's pants. The touch is hesitant, giving Jude the chance to tell him to stop if he wants to, but Jude doesn't say anything, only makes an encouraging noise and squirms with anticipation.

"Might be an honors student, but you sure still have a lot to learn. And this? This is just one of those things. Just never thought that I'd be the one to teach you."

He doesn't stop talking. Not when he wraps a hand around him and Jude moans, not when Jude thrusts his hips up into Alvin's palm and writhes underneath him, arms wrapped tight around his shoulders. Alvin tells him how good he looks, tells him what else he wants to do to him, and Jude doesn't even know what half the things Alvin is breathing against his skin mean but if it's Alvin then he's more than willing to learn.

"I've never — _ahh_ — never done anything like this before. I'm not like you. I don't _know,"_ but Alvin shuts him up with a rough kiss, stroking him hard and fast in an effort to get him off. It doesn't take long for Jude to find his release, his entire body shuddering with the force of his climax as he bucks up into Alvin's hand and cries out. Alvin isn't surprised he didn't hold out.

"Yeah, as if that wasn't obvious enough," Alvin belatedly replies, but Jude's embarrassed flush just earns him another kiss, a brief brush of lips against lips. Alvin is almost painfully hard — Jude hasn't even touched him, but just getting Jude off was enough. He isn't worried about it, though. Jude is more important.

"You okay?" he asks, brushing Jude's bangs out of his eyes in an uncharacteristally gentle gesture. "Probably not exactly how you expected your first time to go."

"Don't worry. I'm fine. Just a little worn out, I guess. Are you... Do you want me to... " Jude tries, doesn't really know how to phrase what he's trying to ask. He doesn't even know if he'd be able to get Alvin off. He doesn't exactly want to embarrass himself, but he doesn't want to just leave Alvin hanging, either.

"Nah. I'll be fine. Just rest up for the inevitable talk you'll want to have about _feelings_ later on." Alvin's voice is light and teasing, but there's guilt already beginning to seep into his bones, something in his chest squeezing. Jude might regret this. Jude is young — he's vulnerable. Maybe Alvin did screw things up. Maybe he shouldn't have let himself lose control like this. Maybe Jude didn't know what he wanted. Maybe —

"All right. But I still have a question," Jude mutters sleepily, dragging Alvin down onto the bed with him and shifting to make room before rolling over to face him. Alvin looks surprised, but he waits, letting Jude speak.

"Before you head back to Xian Du, do you think we can we do that again?"

"... Yeah. Yeah, we can."

"Good." And with Jude offering him a smile that is as tired as it is content, suddenly the guilt isn't so horrible after all.


End file.
